


Amity Blight: From 4 to 14 {Weakness, Strength and Safety}

by Winters_Angel



Category: The Owl House (Cartoon)
Genre: Amity Blight Angst, Amity Blight-centric, Amity's Hair, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Study, Child Abuse, Gaslighting, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kinda, The Blight's can't parent, thats a tag now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-12 00:55:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28751772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winters_Angel/pseuds/Winters_Angel
Summary: Amity Blight. A look at ten years of her life from age 4 to 14. From her friendships with Willow, Boscha and Skara. To her home life and relationship with her parents and siblings. All the way to how she views the world around her and how that has shaped her into who she is today."Before Luz… It felt like she was drowning, head underwater. Like she couldn't breathe but… she couldn't seem to die either. And then Luz came, and she taught her how to tread water. Things weren't perfect, she was still drowning; she was still being crushed by pressure. But she could breathe, and sometimes, it even felt like her head was above water, if only for a second."
Relationships: Alador Blight & Amity Blight, Amity Blight & Boscha & Skara, Amity Blight & Edric Blight & Emira Blight, Amity Blight & Odalia Blight, Amity Blight & Willow Park, Amity Blight/Luz Noceda
Comments: 7
Kudos: 57





	Amity Blight: From 4 to 14 {Weakness, Strength and Safety}

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, more notes at the end but this if my first time writing something for a fandom. (That is to say, not an original work). I tried to stick as close to canon as possible, given how little we know about Amity. This will probably not be canon-compliant for season 2, but I tried my best. This is basically my analysis/ headcanons for Amity and her relationships. I hope I did her character justice as she is one of my favourites. Also sorry for any spelling/Grammar mistakes. I did my best, but dyslexia is... not fun for a writer. Anyway, I've rambled enough, more notes at the end, on with the show.

When Amity was 4, she made her first friend.

Willow Park. She didn't remember exactly how they met, but she remembered her. Even years later, she would cling to the little details. The little untarnished bits of their time together. How soft her hair was, how she always smelt like flowers, how warm her smiles were. Willow was kind without wanting anything. She was fun and open and trusted her with things. She was calm, she never got loud like the other kids. She was different from the other people in Amity's life. She was always there. Willow liked having her around. She would show her things she never thought of. Make her look at things differently. 

But above all, Willow was safe. She was her one safe person. The one who could always be relied upon, she made Amity feel wanted, she made her feel pretty. She didn't get up in her face, and even when they fought, she never used words like "failure" or "nothing" or "unworthy". When she touched her, it was always expected, and she always asked first. She closed doors gently and never in her face. When she was busy, and they couldn't play together, she would apologise. Not laugh at her for being so needy before running off. She treated Amity differently than everyone else did. And she liked it. She promised herself she would never ever let anything happen to Willow, she wanted her to be safe too. 

She noticed other people didn't see Willow the way she did. They made fun of her. Made her feel small, worthless, made her think she wasn't good enough. They made her cry. She hated it when they acted like that. No one got to hurt her friend and just walk away, but Willow always told her to leave it alone. To not get involved. But… she just couldn't. She made a promise! To keep Willow safe. And she was going to keep it. She got very good at shutting people down. Learned to use her tongue as a weapon and wielded tone just as well. And it worked. After a while, they left her alone. And Willow was happy. Sure, she didn't know what Amity was doing, but she didn't have to. She was just helping her friend, keeping her promise. Proving she could be useful. That she wasn't a burden. That she could be safe for other people, and that she could feel safe herself. 

Turns out she'd use her skill with words against Willow in the future. 

When Amity was 5, her mother called her weak for the first time.

She was sure it had happened before. But this was the first time she could remember. She and Willow had gotten into one of their rare fights. Amity hated when they argued, she felt guilty and awful, and she stopped feeling safe. After she had run home crying, her mother found her in her room, tears soaking her pillow. She didn't know what she expected, her mother had never been very warm, never made her feel safe. Why would she now? Still, the naive part of her brain hoped that this time would be different. It wasn't.

She started out nice, like always. It was all, "What's wrong dear" and "Could you tell your mother what happened?" She was so gentle, so caring. So… kind. And she caved. She told her everything. She knew she shouldn't have. She was walking right into a trap, she knew better than to make herself a burden. She was already unwanted. But mother had asked, she had wanted to know. Maybe she'd finally earned her love. Maybe she was good enough now, maybe… maybe she was an idiot. 

After she had finished, her mother had laughed, mocked her for her childish problems, asked her why in titans name she felt it appropriate to burden her even more. "No wonder that Willow girls sick of you if you act like this". "You can't even maintain a connection with a witch like that, how do you expect to be worthy of real witch's". Amity had wanted to fight back; Willow wasn't beneath her if anything Willow was better than her. A better person, a better friend. She hated it when her mother spoke about her like that. But she couldn't fight her, she wasn't brave enough. And even if she had been, her mother was using that tone. That sweet, caring tone that, if you ignored that words being said, could almost be nice.

So, she tried to run. To go somewhere else and deal with her problems alone. Without annoying anyone, without getting in their way. Mother had gotten angry then, grabbing her by the wrist as she turned to leave. She had gotten more aggressive, volume rising. Amity didn't remember the half-hour lecture that followed or the apologies and lies that came after. Still, she did remember her mother's parting words.  
"Oh, and Amity? If I see you showing weakness in my house again, you will not like the consequences. You know I hate doing this to you, but you bring it on yourself. Do not let me see such a display again." 

Her mother never saw her cry after that day.

When Amity was 6, she got her first diary. 

She hadn't had a birthday party that year, hadn't wanted one. Her parents always made her spend time with Boscha and Skara. It wasn't like she hated them or anything. She just didn't like talking to them, didn't like how they acted. They always made her feel on edge, plus there was the way they treated Willow. Maybe she did hate them for that. So she had talked her parents out of a party that year. If she couldn't invite Willow, what was the point? Not that they really cared in the first place. It was just another social function to them. 

So Amity had spent the day at Willows house, they talked about their futures that day. About how they would both go the Hexside. Willow in the plant track and Amity in healing. They would always stay together. Side by side, all the way to graduation. Willow pretended to carefully look after her garden, while Amity imagined all the faces of the people she would help. How she could make them feel better. Maybe make them feel safe. 

At one point, Willows dad's had pulled her aside to show her something. Willow came with her, bobbing up and down with excitement. She let out a squeal of joy, taking Amity's hand and dragging her over. It was then that her dads pulled out a gift. Wrapped in simple black paper. She opened it slowly, careful not to tear the wrapping. Inside was a small, blush pink notebook. She smiled wide, tears gathering in her eyes and threw her arms around Willow, giggling and thanking her again and again. Willow said she got it because she knew how much Amity liked writing and hoped it would be useful. And it was.

Amity turned it into a diary, writing every day until the pages filled up with neat lines of ink. It became part of her routine, something to do before she went to bed. Amity liked routine, liked when things were easy to predict. It also helped her handle her emotions. Instead of lashing out or crying, she would put up a mask. A front for everyone around her before going home and venting to her diary. Filling the book with page after page of blue ink. It wasn't healthy, far from it. But she didn't really care, it worked. And she thought, this was it, this would be how she controlled herself, then, maybe she'd earn her mother's love.

It didn't work.

When Amity was 7, she learned that adults like easy answers. 

Amity liked Willows dads. She had a general disdain for adults, but they were the nice kind. The kind that always hug their daughter and filled their house with laughter. The kind that told you it was ok to cry and showed just how much they loved you. She liked how they talked to her, how they always took an interest in her day. How, even when she messed up, they never insulted her, never made her feel like a failure. Even if she was one. But there was a downside to the nice ones. They noticed things other adults ignored. 

One day when she was playing with Willow, they had taken her aside for a 'talk'. It wasn't out of the blue or anything. Amity knew, even with her diary she wasn't great at hiding certain things. She cringed when someone raised their voice, flinched when a door slammed, jumped at unexpected touch. It was just a force of habit at that point. But she couldn't blame them for being suspicious. 

They had asked her if everything was ok at home. How things were with her parents, her siblings. She could have told the truth, but that would mean admitting her own weakness. Besides, from an outsiders point of view, things might look questionable, but Amity knew better. Her parents just wanted what was best. It wasn't their fault she was such a failure, such a waste, so weak. Some more… extreme methods were required for children like her. Willow didn't need to be brought up as strictly. They wouldn't understand. 

So, she lied. She said everything was fine, she didn't know what they were talking about. And, after a few more questions and a concerned smile, they let her go. She learned something that day. That no matter how bad you are at lying, adults prefer being told things are ok, and even if they don't fully believe you, they'll let it go, even the nice ones. 

She would use that knowledge a lot in the future.

When Amity was 8, she lost her first friend.

When Amity when to bed the night of her 8th birthday party she was practically choking on tears. She hadn't wanted a party to begin with. They were too loud, with too many people and none she actually liked. And it wasn't like they were about her anyway. Her parents just used it as an excuse to show her, Ed and Em off to people they worked with. She may as well have been a doll; her mother might actually prefer it if she was. But after getting out of them for her 6th and 7th birthday, she should have known her luck would run out eventually. 

After her parents had sent out the invitations, she should have left it at that. Told Willow they could see each other another day and not to come. She knew her parent's patients with her and Willows friendship was waning. What they had at first thought was a silly one-day playdate had turned into a relationship lasting almost 4 years. Their increasing comments on Willows status and lack of magic weren't subtle, and Amity knew she was walking a fine line. But, as usual, she let her weakness rule her decisions. She just couldn't get through a party with Boscha and Skara alone. She needed her best friend, her only friend. 

She knew she was in trouble the second her parent's eyes landed on Willow. They had taken her into another room to talk, and there it had happened. The scenario that had haunted her nightmares for years. They told her to cut ties with Willow. Their cold professional manner had terrified her. Her gut reaction was to comply but… what did she have without Willow? She was the one good thing in Amity's life. The one person that was safe, that made her happy. Besides, she had promised she wouldn't let anything happen to Willow. She refused to hurt her. So, she had said no. Not directly, not in so many words, but she hadn't gone along with them. She had talked back. She was excited and terrified and felt like she was soring high on anxiety, just waiting to be pulled back down. And she was.

The second her parents mentioned Hexside she knew it was all over. They could do what they wanted to Amity, and they did. But she would not let them touch Willow or her future. Suddenly all the hours of Willow raving about Hexside flashed before her eyes. All the time she'd spent dreaming about walking down the halls and studying plant magic replaying in her mind. She couldn't, no, wouldn't take that away from her. Willow may be the only good thing in Amity's life, but Willow had more than her. She had parents that loved her. Other friends to talk to, a future. Amity was not about to let her parents ruin it. She wasn't worth it. 

When she first told Willow to leave, she was panicking, she knew she had to break their friendship but how? She couldn't tell Willow what her parents had said. She either wouldn't believe her or would want to stay her friend anyway. Willow was exactly the kind of person to risk her future for her friends. Which was why Amity loved her so much. But she wouldn't let that happen. She refused. So how did she get her, not only to leave the party but to leave her? Then, Willow had handed it to her on a silver platter.

"Is it because I can't do magic?" Is it because I can't do magic? There was the answer. She could make Willow hate her. Say something so horrible she would want to turn away. And what could she say? Well, Willow had given her that to. And so, she opened her mouth and out came the words that would haunt her nightmares for years. "Well, yes, that is why. Because you're a weakling. You can't do magic, so I don't want to be your friend, now go!" She watched as Willows eyes filled with tears, fighting back her own. Watched as she ran from the room crying. She watched the rest of the night unfold in front of her. Boscha and Skara talking to her as she cut the cake, Ed and Em glaring at her from across the room after seeing a glimpse of Willow leaving. Her father's bord expression and her mother's triumphant one. She watched the scene play out as if viewed from third person. 

It was only after. When all the guests had left, wrapping paper covering the floors and icing congealing on plates that she broke out of her haze. Her eyes widened, stomach twisting at the memory of Willow's face. She escaped to her room, ignoring her sibling's glares and her parent's whispers. She ran to her bed. Grabbing her pillows and screaming. She screamed until her throat was raw, sobbing and shaking. Her knuckles white as she clutched her pillow. She didn't sleep that night or the night after. Just sat at her window, one thought overpowering the rest. 'I will never feel safe again.'

That night haunted her dreams for years after. 

When Amity was 9, she dyed her hair.

Amity knew her mother hated her hair. She made no secret what she thought of the light auburn inherited from her father. But it was the little things that really got to her. Always complementing Ed and Ems hair and specifically not mentioning her. Her constant complaints when family portraits were made. "It's such a shame you got your fathers hair isn't it? Really throws everything off."  
Then there where the less subtle indicators. Her openly glaring at the colour, a contemplative look on her face. The deep sigh whenever she ran her fingers through it. The small, one sentence insults that you could almost look past. Almost. Amity used to look to her father when she did things like that. It was his hair colour after all, but she had long ago learnt not to look to him for anything. All he would do is give her the same blank expression before telling to listen to her mother. So, when her mother approached her with a bottle of hair die, she wasn't exactly surprised. 

Still, her stomach sank as she laid eyes on the green bottle. Despite everything, she liked her hair. Willow always said the colour was warm, it made her look kinder and more open, while her siblings green made them look colder, more withdrawn. She also liked being different from Ed and Em. While the two weren't nearly as bad as their parents and had even been close with her when they were younger, they didn't have a good relationship. They teased and mocked and made her life harder than it already was. They also always assumed the worst of her. They hadn't spoken to her for a month after her 8th birthday and refused to listen when she tried to tell them what happened. Even tho all they had done in her and Willows 4 years of friendship was annoy them. They didn't care about Willow, they just wanted to point out how similar she was becoming to their mother. A comparison she both hated and, whatever she told herself, secretly craved.

They always got away with more than Amity to. While she had the weight of the world on her shoulders, they came and went as they pleased. Em was her mother's favourite and, despite her rebellious streak, the closest to what a Blight 'should be'. Edric was more along for the ride. Partly due to their mother's obsession with tying them together and partly due to his own co-dependency. Amity was the problem child out of the three. The one her mother needed to mould into what she wanted. The one that didn't fit. And her hair was just a painful visual reminder of the fact. 

Her mother had sat her down, brushing through her hair before applying the colour. If she could ignore the context, it was almost pleasant. She tried to close her eyes and pretend it wasn't happening. But mother had just told her to keep her eyes open. She kept it together surprisingly well during the preparation. But she felt the tears forming when the first drops of dye touched her hair. This was it; this was really it. This wasn't a backhanded comment or a lingering glance. This was mother straight up telling her she wasn't enough. That she was broken somehow, or, at the very least that she needed to be fixed. That who she was needed to change if she could ever be worth loving. That she, as she was, Amity Blight, was never going to be good enough. Apart of her wanted to scream. To yell and fight and say 'no!' she didn't want this. Another part of her told herself to shut up, that it was only hair colour and to stop being so dramatic. The latter part won out.

She ignored her mother's protests, closing her eyes. Let her get in trouble, she was going to cry if she kept her eyes open any longer. After her mother had finished, she had smiled. Running her fingers through the freshly dyed locks. Amity opened her eyes, looking at herself. Willow had been right. The fresh mint green made her look cold, calculating, mysterious. It made her look like a Blight. She knew Boscha would like it. Skara would too. They would say it made her look more powerful. She also looked older, closer to 11 then 9. She bit her lip, hard, she couldn't cry, she wouldn't cry. She was not about to let her mother see her weakness. She tuned out her mother's praises, focusing on her expression, cold and unbothered. Not a hint of anything that could betray her emotions, that was the plan anyway. 

After escaping her mother, she had run into Ed and Em in the hallways, waiting for her to come out. They had just looked at her at first before bursting out laughing. Blood rose to colour her cheeks as she pushed past them, ignoring their taunts as she walked away. 'Aww, Mittens wanted to fit in, did she?', 'Wanted to look like her big siblings?'. When she got to her room, she found her green box, a gift from Willow, and took it to her window seat. She sat down, leaning her head back as she finally let the tears escape. Opening the box, she pulled out a photo of her and Willow.

Willow, titans she missed her. 

She studied the photo. Her and Willow at lake Lacuna, outlined by the setting sun, Willows warm smile, their hands locked together, Amity's hair glowing almost red in the light. She looked at the Amity in the picture, she looked so… happy. Putting the photo back and setting the box aside, she got up, walking over to her vanity. She looked at herself again. At the tear-stained cheeks, the red eyes, the bright green hair. She didn't recognise the girl in the picture anymore. She was gone, Amity Blight was no longer a child. She told herself it was ok that this was fine, that it was for the best. Mother just wanted what was best, she would never do anything to hurt her without a reason, right? 

She told herself that a lot. 

When Amity was 10, she read her first Azura book.

The first time was an accident. She had found herself at the library more and more often. It was a good way to get away from the increased pressure from home, plus, she wouldn't get in trouble if she said she was studying. Boscha and Skara had also been trying to hang out with her more often but would never dream of following her to a library. And getting to know the library staff better was… interesting. The head librarian had always been kind to her when she came there as a child. But as she spent more time sitting among the shelves, he seemed to have taken it upon himself to look after her. Helping her find books she might like, making sure she got home on time, even buying her lunch a few times when she'd been too preoccupied to note the time. She supposed this was what being cared for felt like. She knew she shouldn't have enjoyed it as much as she did, it was a weakness to rely on others, to let them help you was a failure. She knew that. So, why did it feel so nice to know someone cared? Just her weakness, she guessed. Still, as much as she liked it, it left her feeling guilty. And she would often do small jobs around the library as thanks. He said it wasn't necessary, but she insisted. He reluctantly agreed but made sure the jobs stayed small. 

It was during one of these small jobs that she found the Azura books. She was tiding up the shelves in the children's section when a book that had been lodged in the back fell down behind the shelves. She sighed; it was going to be hard to get out. Lying down, she reached under the shelf and patted the floor, hoping to make contact with the book. She smiled triumphantly as her fingers hit the hard, glossy surface of the cover. Pulling it out, she took a look at the front. The Good Witch Azura. On the cover, a witch holding a thin white staff. Her green hair flowing behind her. Amity stood, walking over to the gap between two lots of shelves. Going to the wall, she sat down again, studying the cover. It was clearly a kids book, not something worth her time. She had grown out of stuff like that, had thrown out most of her childhood toys when she dyed her hair. Her copy of Otabin included. She should put it back. But… she found herself looking at the witch on the front cover again, Azura presumably. Or, more specifically, her hair. It was almost the same colour as her's. And despite herself, she read through the whole book within an hour. 

She found herself being sucked into the world, laughing and smiling, allowing herself to have fun. Every time she got to a description of Azura's hair, she felt herself smile, just a little bit. Maybe the green wouldn't be so bad. She was quickly in awe of Azura, she was powerful, she was, kind, she was… she was really pretty. There was only one part of the book she skipped. When Azura reminisced about home and her relationship with her mother. It was a sweet scene but, Amity was enjoying herself too much to read about Azura's happy memories. Of course, her mother loves her. Azura's amazing. She's worthy of love.

It was Gary who had broken her out of the book. Telling her she should get home. She thanked him, leaving in a hurry, refusing the heads offers to fly her home. But, before she left, she carefully replaced the Azura book back under the shelves in the children's section. It was dark by the time she got home. The walk through the forest back to Blight manor was terrifying, and the dark reminded her of the punishment no doubt waiting for her when she got home. But right then, she couldn't find it in herself to care. She was right about punishment. Her mother hadn't held back, and her farther had gotten in a few choice words as well but, as she lay in bed that night, she let herself smile. Reading that book had given her a feeling she hadn't felt in a long time. A feeling that reminded her of auburn in her mirror, clean lines of blue ink in her diary, clear of smudge marks left by teardrops. The feeling of Willows hugs or the library staff's kindness. When she was reading it. She almost felt safe again.

Those books would help her a lot in the next few years, in more ways than one.

When Amity was 11, she lashed out at Willow. 

That night had been hard for Amity, a fight between her Ed and Em had quickly escalated, her parents getting involved. They had taken their side, or, more accurately mother had taken Emira's side, therefore, taking Edric's, and Farther had just stood there. Four against one had been bad enough, but when the twins were sent away Amity knew she was in trouble. She hadn't slept well that night. Her mother had apologised after, like always. But it was in a way that placed the blame on Amity. 

Where it belonged, she supposed. 

After all, Willows fathers never hurt her. Skara's parents dotted on her, even Boscha's parents, who she had an awful relationship with, would never dream of hurting her. Physically or otherwise. So, it must have been her. How much of a failure do you have to be to make them do that? How weak was she to force her mother to resort to that? She swore she would never let people see her weakness, and she was going to stick to that. 

Not that she should have worried, Boscha and Skara were too busy whispering about Willow to notice if something was off with her. She leaned her head against the cool metal. One day, she just had to get through one day. Her parent's voices from the previous night ran across her mind "you brought this on yourself Amity. You can't deflect the consequences" She sighed one day. She was pulled out of her thought by a tap of her shoulders. She turned around, coming face to face with Willow.

Things had been…. complicated between them since the party. At first, they ignored each other, didn't make eye contact, didn't talk unless they had to. And sure, it hurt. It hurt a lot. Seeing Willow, being within meters of her and not being able to talk to her. But it was her fault. Her weakness had ended their friendship. And Willow had gotten into Hexside so… Maybe this was for the best. But then things had changed. Boscha, she and Skara had started hanging out more and more. Which meant Amity was there more and more when they picked on Willow. At first, she had tried to stop them. Like she did when they were younger. But defending her came with hopeful glances from Willow and long lectures with Boscha after. As well as a talk with her mother. Soon her defending Willow became less and less common. Only stepping in of things got too out of line. Until eventually, she just stood there, not meeting Willows pleading gaze before she ran off. As such, Willow walking up to talk to her was surprising, to say the least. 

She had asked what she wanted, but Willow had interrupted her, begging Amity to talk to her. That she was done with this, that she still cared, that she could see she was hurt. Amity could feel Boscha and Skara's eyes on her, whispering. Could hear the whispers of her classmates as Willow became more and more desperate. Amity's mask was slipping, she was so tired, she couldn't cope with this, couldn't handle Willow caring, Willow not hating her, Willow… I'm sorry. It was then Willow had said something, she couldn't remember what, but she had had enough. Everything she had suppressed coming back out. She had screamed for Willow to leave her alone, that she didn't want to talk to her, that nobody did. That she had never cared about he and never would. They were all lies. She just wanted Willow to leave her alone. She couldn't take it. Everything was moving too fast Willow couldn't care, not after what she'd done. 

When she'd finished, the entire hallway was staring at her as she watched Willow run away from her crying. Again. And this time, no parents were watching her. She expected to feel something. Angry, sad, relieved. Anything. But all she felt was numb. It was like her birthday again. She was viewing the world from third person. Not really a part of the scene in front of her. She should have felt happy. Willow definitely hated her now, she would never care about Amity again. Because no one did. And if they did, they just got hurt. That was all she was good for, hurting people. All she was good at, just like her mother. The irony was not lost on her. That she had honed her skill with words and pointed insults to protect Willow when she was the one hurt most by them. Almost some sick sort of joke. She kept thinking about the promise she had made herself. That she would never let anyone hurt Willow. That she would always make Willow feel safe. She had broken that promise over and over again. Now neither of them felt safe. 

Even when her and Willow where friends again, she never forgave herself for breaking that promise. 

When Amity was 12, she found her library hideaway. 

In the two years since she had found the Azura series, she had only spent more time at the library. She could get away from her parent, her 'friends', her siblings. Get away from everything. The library was also the only place she didn't have to put up a front, there was no one for her to impress there. No one to judge her, and she cherished every second of it. Helping out had become more of an unpaid job the longer she was there. The library staff greeting her warmly whenever she arrived. And sure, it was a little weird that a 12-year-old spent so much time there but eventually they just excepted it. It helped that she had started reading to the kids now. A few weeks after her twelfth birthday the library head had asked if she'd like to read to the kids after school some days in exchange for extra credit. Amity agreed, if reluctantly. She had never really interacted with kids very much. All she could remember from being a kid was how loud everyone was. Turns out it was one of the best decisions she ever made.

She loved reading to the kids. Loved how their faces lit up when she arrived, loved their dramatic reactions to the simple stories she picks for them. She especially loved showing them her favourite books from childhood. Otabin was a popular read with them apparently. She discovered she enjoyed making people happy. And the best part of her day soon came to be the children's laughter or hug goodbye. It wasn't always perfect. Sometimes they got too loud and she wished for a silencing spell, or she'd have a headache and need to cancel, but overall, it was one of her better decisions. It almost felt like she was an older sibling. A stupid thought that she banished whenever it entered her mind. Sibling didn't act like that. Not her's anyway.

Things with Edric and Emira where… complicated. She knew they loved her; knew they would never intentionally hurt her but… That didn't make them good siblings. They went too far with their parks, wasted hours of her time cleaning up after them, blackmailed her into covering for them when they snuck out. She didn't know how other families acted, but she guessed it wasn't like that. Things hadn't always been like that. They were never joined at the hip but, she remembered climbing into Em bed after a nightmare or crying into Ed's shoulder after a 'talk' with mother. Em brushing her hair before bed and Ed making illusion bubbles in the back yard for her to chase. But as they got older and their personalities more different, whatever bond they shared had been shredded. Popped alongside the bubbles in the garden, the biggest illusion of all. The twin's antics were one of the biggest reasons she decided to go through with her plan.

She had found it a couple months after her birthday. She was shelving books when she came to the romance section. There she found a book "The lone witch and the secret room". It was covered in dust. Unsurprising as it was at the very back of the library. Still, she was curious. Setting the books she had yet to place in an empty space in the self, she pulled on the spine. She was shocked when the entire shelving unit moved back and to the side, revealing a secret room. Amity almost cried. It was small and dusty and probably hadn't been touched in years but, if she fixed it up. It could be hers. 

And so, she worked whenever she could on the secret room. Moving her favourite things from home to the library. Bringing pillows and blankets, candles and stars to hang from the ceiling. It was hard, long work that drained what little energy she had left at the end of the day. But, with each comment from her mother, each blank look from her farther, every prank by the twins, every hurt look from Willow, she doubled her efforts. And soon enough she had it done. Her newest diary and the Azura books she bought over the years in a shelf labelled, 'My favourites'. An old desk she'd fixed up (With the help of the library head). Her textbooks and favourite books on magic history lining the walls, and pillows and blankets on the ground. Things weren't perfect by any means, and most of the time, she still felt like she was drowning under pressure. But she'd finally found a place, a home, and no matter how lonely or cold, it was hers, and no one could touch her hear.

It didn't stay that way.

When Amity was 13, she quit the grudgby team. 

She knew it was a mistake before she even got on the field. The thorn vault was risky, and her team was unprepared for it. But she was their captain. Sure, it might end horribly but…it could also end in victory. She'd been playing grudgby since she was 10. Initially, just a way to get Boscha of her back, it became something she genuinely enjoyed. Staring as a reserve, she had quickly worked her way up to star played before finally earning her the title of captain. And sure, it helped nurture her competitive streak, and letting that go unchecked was never a good idea. But she couldn't find it in herself to care. Grudgby was one of the rare things in her life that made her happy that her parents actually approved of. And sure, it meant more pressure to succeed, but she could live with that. It also meant she spent even less time at home than before. What with reading to kids at the library, studying, grudgby practises and privet lessons with Mrs Clawthorn, she had plenty of excuses to get her out of trouble.

Things weren't perfect. She still couldn't stand Boscha, even if she still felt guilty about... whatever their relationship was. Her siblings were only getting worse, and her relationship with them wasn't fairing much better. Her panic attacks had started happing in class more often, which was… challenging, to say the least. She saw her farther even less than before, something she didn't think was possible. Her mother had mellowed out on friendship front since she joined the team, pleased she was spending so much time with Boscha. But had become unbearable with schoolwork. Pushing her harder than ever and dumping even more pressure on her, raising her expectations higher into impossibility. And Willow was still… Willow. 

She had caught herself being actively meaner to Willow as things at home got worse. At first, she'd tried to stop herself, be extra nice the day after. Or as nice as she could be. But after a while, she gave up. What was the point? They could never be friends again. Amity had made sure of that. Willow had also made a friend of her own. Augustus, she thought his name was. She would be fine. It was also easier to pretend. To act like Willow really was weak. It was much simpler to act like she hated her, if she pretended enough, maybe one day she'd believe it. Maybe then, it wouldn't hurt so much. So, no its wasn't perfect. But things were going well, better than before at least. So, of course, she had to ruin it. 

It was a heat of the moment decision. Hexside was neck a neck with the final play on her. She couldn't blow this. Not only was the championship on riding on her, but her parents were watching. Her mother had agreed to come, if reluctantly. She had even managed to get farther to come. A small miracle in and of itself, she couldn't remember the last time he'd taken an interest in her life other than to scold her alongside mother. And while the move they had planned was a good one, it wasn't a guaranteed winner. She knew the thorn vault was a risky move. But it was also a winning move. And, as much as she and Boscha clashed, her, Amity and Amelia worked well together. Everything would be fine. Or so she told herself. And so, blood pumping in her ears, sweat dripping from her hair, Boscha and Amelia in her peripheral vision, she did it. The spell circle shot down her arm and into the ground, a thick, thorn-covered trunk sprung up from the ground underneath her, carrying her up the goal. She ran, desperate not to slip on the rounded surfers and… score. She'd won they'd won. She was ecstatic.

Turning around to face the field, she was about to meet her team when she saw it. Amelia on the ground, healers converging on her, Boscha of to the side clutching her wrist. Her heart sank. She'd done this. This was all her fault. All because she'd needed to show off to her parents. Sure, she never got along with her team outside the field, especially Boscha, but she'd never want to hurt them. There she went again, hurting people. That was all she seemed to do. Hurt the people around her. She was more like her mother then she thought.  
She returned her jacket the next day, as well as her letter of resignation. She would not hurt anyone else. She absolute refused. 

Turns out she would be the one hurt during her return to the field. And she regrated nothing.

When Amity was 14, she fell in love 

Luz Noceda. Willows abomination, The human, her fearless champion. Luz was an anomaly in her life. She was everything Amity hated. She was unexpected and unplanned, she was loud and intense, she always had a way of getting her in trouble. And yet… There was something in her that Amity couldn't ignore. She was kind, undeniably so. But it was more than that. Amity's whole life was exhausting. She was so tired. Faking her relationships at school, keeping her parents happy at home, not letting her sibling get a rise out of her. Before Luz… It felt like she was drowning, head underwater. Like she couldn't breathe but… she couldn't seem to die either. And then Luz came, and she taught her how to tread water. Things weren't perfect, she was still drowning; she was still being crushed by pressure. But she could breathe, and sometimes, it even felt like her head was above water, if only for a second. Could anyone blame Amity for falling for her?

Luz had helped her in almost every way imaginable. She had improved her relationship with her sibling, something she thought would always be a distant memory. She had helped her get away from Boscha and Skara, ties she'd resigned herself to having forever. She had even restarted her friendship with Willow. "It's a start". That's what Willow had said. They weren't friends again. She didn't know if they ever would be but… it was a start. And Luz had given her that. Luz had seen through her walls and broken her down bit by bit until eventually, she couldn't help but give in. 

She had fallen for Luz in a weird roundabout way. Through near-death experiences and late-night conversations with herself. It had been terrifying when she'd worked it out. This wasn't part of her plan! This wasn't part of her parent's plan. This was going to turn everything she'd worked for on its head but…she couldn't resist. She liked how Luz made her feel, liked how she smiled, liked how her eyes glistened in the sunlight. She liked that Luz always respected her, was always kind to her, always treated her… differently than other people did. She didn't treat her like Amity Blight. Top student and heir to one of the most prominent family's on the boiling isles. She treated her like Amity. Like a friend, like someone she cared about. Amity also liked Luz. Liked her upbeat attitude and unending optimism, liked her kindness and selflessness. She liked how she always gave people another chance. Didn't judge or base her opinion of someone off when they were at their lowest. Amity knew it wasn't right. That, by excepting Luz's friendship and her own feelings, she was throwing away everything she'd worked for. 

But what had that gotten her? What had the hours of study and sleepless nights gotten her? A gold star? A good report card? What had treating Willow like she had and putting up with Boscha and her 'friends' gotten her? Popularity certainly, but that had never been what she wanted. It hadn't earned her mother's love. In fact, she was starting to doubt if she would ever do that. One thing was for certain, though. Amity was starting to notice a pattern. Everything she did that made her 'weak' also made her happy. The people that were 'weak' were also the ones that treated her the best. Her favourite things, like Azura or reading to the children, the things her parent would consider a sign of weakness where what made her happiest. And Luz was perhaps the biggest example of that. She was everything Amity's parents would hate. A human, apprentice to the owl lady, fighting against the emperor and the system they lived by. She was also the person Amity cared about most. Probably the only person she could trust. Luz made her feel happy, Luz made her feel safe. And so, for once in her life, Amity Blight let herself be weak. 

Turns out she could make some good decisions after all.

**Author's Note:**

> You made it. Being honest, I never saw myself writing fan content. I always thought I'd stick to original works but, here we are. I didn't think I'd write anything for the owl house either but then came Amity Blight. I fell in love with her and knew she would be my favourite from pretty much episode 5. Then I got this idea, and with the wait for season 2, I thought what the hell. Again, sorry for any errors, I hope they weren't too distracting. I have a few other Ideas for fics if people actually like my writing. I'll probably write them anyway but hey. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed.


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